The Machinist's Wife

Sunday, 2 September 2018

Farewell to Thee, My Father

His second child, - my second of four older brothers - passed away just five months ago.

I was never really sure how much this news affected him. He wept, but on subsequent visits, we never spoke about brother Brian's death. I would have, had my dad initiated it. But no. Nothing.

Was it the British 'stiff upper lip'?

'Chin up and get on with it'?

Or was it the opacity of dementia?

Some days, his cloudy brown eyes would drizzle tears - and then, momentarily - he was asking for an item to be added to the shopping list.

Oh, the dread, the pain of having to tell his wife - my lovely mam - that he had left us. She knew he was soon to depart this world. She was waiting. She had predicted that the third day of his illness would be "the day".

She was right.

She lifted her frail hand to her face and cried gently...."He has left me a few times during the earlier part of our 67 years. I should be used to it. But this is different..."

"Gonna take a sentimental journey

Gonna set my heart at ease

Gonna take a sentimental journey

To renew old memories"

Oh, the anguish of the widow!

The agony.

The grief.

I am so very grateful for my father. He was absolutely perfect for me. He was my jiggly belly gadget man. Soft, and tender hearted. Introverted. A loner, yet still comfortable in company - preferring to listen than to speak.

"I heard about a mansion He has built for me in glory

And I heard about the street of gold beyond the crystal sea

About the angels singing and the old redemption story

Oh and some sweet day I'll sing up there the song of victory"

I love you, Herbert Brian Hudson - BA PhD

(Born again. Past having doubts - HB Hudson)

Wednesday, 28 March 2018

Farewell to Thee, My Brother

I learn that in death there are SO MANY lessons on life. Good lessons. I learn that my grief is secondary to the grief of others that I love. Others that loved him. I want to comfort them. In my rainbow tears, I realise the love I have for all those that loved him. But even every day life - between the sadness, I have "eyes to see".

I am aware.

Never before have I been so much in the moment.

My brother knew his time was nigh. That it was getting closer, but alas - I doubt he expected it when it happened.

Then again, who is ever ready?

Who is prepared?

Sitting next to the Machinist in the funeral parlour office, which smelt surprisingly fresh without the scents and cleaners, I asked Phil (first name basis) "Phil, from your experience - people who are grieving, do they grieve in strange ways? Ways that they don't expect?"

"Absolutely", he replied. "Basically, Helen - anything goes. Not to sound callous, but people grieve in different ways. When grief hit me, I blanked out for weeks. Months, in fact. I couldn't remember what transpired in that time"

He went on to tell us how he lost his wife, then 8 months later, his daughter...

I'm so sorry...."

"Thankyou. The thing is, I consulted with a great funeral director. He helped me so much. He explained so much, was ready to help and advise me - any time of the day. He was there for me, comforted me in his presence and assurance. Told me that I could conduct my families' funerals any way I wanted to - to honour them. And because of his help, in my time of deep sorrow - well - that's why I do what I do now..."

"So, Phil, you found your purpose?"

"I sure did. This is what I love to do. To be here now, for you - to help any way I can...THIS IS MY PURPOSE"

* * * * * * * * * *

My brother's crematorium music:

Intro: All things Bright & Beautiful (old tune - UK)
Intro: Lets Get Together - Bryan Ferry
Photo Slideshow: Protons, Neutrons, Electrons - The Cat Empire
Exit: Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick - Ian Dury & the Blockheads.

Never in my wildest imaginations would I conceive a funeral director (A Funeral Director!) to create such inspiration, enabling a client to plan and execute a loved one's funeral with such fervour!

I hope I did you proud, Bro.x

And to Phil - I'm so glad you found YOUR PURPOSE and you're LIVING IT.

Farewell to Thee

Feel no guilt in laughter, he knows how much you care.

Feel no guilt in a smile that he is not here to share.

You can not grieve forever, he would not want you to.

He’d hope that you could carry on the way you always do.

So talk about the good times and the way you showed you care.

Let memories surround you and he will live forever there.

Tuesday, 22 August 2017

Commonwealth Park and Civic Central, Australian Capital Territory

I love Civic in winter. I love the fallen leaves in Autumn and Winter, too. I like to kick them. Especially when the wind has dispersed them, then blown them together again. Or some busy landscaper has raked them all together. I know that is naughty of me, but I can't help myself.

And if, perchance, I miss a pile, the Machinist dutifully reminds me of it. He doesn't say anything; he calls my name, and then he turns his head towards the pile and uses his eyes that say to me "Helen, aren't you going to march through that pile of leaves and kick them until they are all over the place..."

Yeah. I know these things. I can read him.

Fairy lights strewn through the trees in Civic Central

The Machinist Walks On

(Don't slip on the fallen acorns, Machinist!)

This is how my skin feels in winter. But... it doesn't look as beautiful

Acorn Melange. I love these short stumpy acorns. Fat and bulbous.

Oak leaves never cease to make me smile. Oh, and one solitary elongated acorn. Can
you spot it?

Our shadows as we stand together on the bridge that links Civic to Commonwealth Park -
where Floriade is held each year.

The paved circle as you walk off the bridge with a reminder of where you are. Knowing
where you are is always good. At least I think so.

Built up beds in preparation for Spring plantings.

More built up beds. I call this "black gold"

See how the creeper moves in? And takes over?

"Oak is everywhere....everywhere you look around..." tra la la
(To be sung to the tune of "love is in the air" by John Paul Young)

Goulburn Railway, Riverside and Wetlands, Goulburn New South Wales

We didn't know it was such a scenic, pretty place - the walk alongside the Goulburn river. We followed it until it led on to the Goulburn Wetlands, which is still under construction and growing all the time. It reminded me of the type of area you could base a story on. The "Badlands" in Stephen King's "It" comes to mind.

(If you walk there, look over your shoulder!)

Rail memorabilia. Note how blackberry has no bounds. Takes plenty of prisoners!

Part of the golf course near the river. What an ideal spot. I can't imagine the number of golf
balls deposited in the river. We happened to find one as we passed by. Small things...

A delightful leaf covered bridge on the river walk

A metal "welcome" sign to the arty-sit-area, also alongside the river

War Memorial, Rocky Hill, Goulburn

Swamphens. Cheeky!

"Ullo ullo ullo. Who are you, then?"

The Machinist Walks On.

Lake Burley Griffin 4, Australian Capital Territory

It seems that although Lake Burley Griffin is one vast - well - lake, each direction has different flora and fauna and landscapes. There's always something that catches my eye. These geese would have gladly picked at my eye if I had of shown any fear.

I trembled inside, though.

Birdlife: They all wanted to chase me. But I stood strong. Gangsters.

The trunk had split into three lanky branches, which were doing the Mexican wave...

Hey up! Who goes there....?

Silver Birch Splendour

The Machinist Walks On

Fluff! I wouldn't have gotten this close if it were Spring. Lucky that we walked the
Burley Griffin circuit in Winter.

Lake Burley Griffin 3, Australian Capital Territory

As I posted these pics, I realised how blurry they are. That's because I'm below average on photography skills. Nevertheless, I think you will be able to make out what is going on. This is another direction of Lake Burley Griffin in our National Capital. The various Embassies are also in this area.